not quite yet

at 26 years old, i shouldn’t have to call up my friend and say it’s time to go. be ready in 5 minutes cuz we got to be in the hospital as soon as possible. and he gets ready without question. at 26 years old, my friend shouldn’t have to have surgery to put a feed tube directly in his stomach. he should be conscious, able to move his fingers. able to look at me and say he’ll be alright and tell me about the nurse he cares so much for. at 22 years old, she shouldn’t get a lesson in what it’s like for someone our age to lie on their death bed. i shouldn’t have to go thursday night after his most recent surgery and wait around till 11:00 pm to see him and he still hasn’t recovered yet so we never get to say hi. Go back friday and stay till 12:30 am with Scott and see Marty getting better and horsing around in the best way he can which includes a raised eyebrow and the occasional smile. and sunday to be awoken by his mom crying and saying if i have any last words to say to Marty, i need to go now. So i call scott and say its time to go and we go immediately. arrive at about 1:00 pm and enter the room of about 15 people gathered around him already in prayer. all these people i dont know, all these people marty doesn’t even know. pastors and deacons and aunts and great nephews and what not. and people saying aloud it’s time for god to take you, you’re going on a better place. we will all meet you again there. and watching his whole body raise as he takes a very short breath in and immediately lets it out. then lie still for a few seconds. then another quick breath in and out and laying still. through time, the whole process repeats, only each time a little bit slower. people come and people go. hold his hand because they are afraid to hug him and mess up his tubes. because his arms are just laying on the bed motionless, hands and fingers extended. and to see Chasity, the nurse that marty cares so much for by his side as well. he smiles at her voice and when she leans in to speak with him he raises his arms to hold her hand which she quickly accepts. for everyone to leave the room and leave scott, chasity and myself in there alone with him and without the grownups there, we tell all sorts of secrets and jokes and things and i think we eventually got another smile or two out of him before it was all done. I shouldn’t of had to leave that night, expecting to receive a phone call in the morning that he had moved on. instead i received a phone call that he’s in a coma. and it wouldn’t be until lunch time when he would awaken. Still, when we went to see him tonight, his progress had not improved, yet it had not worsen. i’m not sure if he made any smiles and remarks to me tonight. he slept mostly. i shouldn’t have to beg a certain someone special to visit him with me so they can meet before it’s all over. and i shouldn’t have to be here at 1:00 am writing about one of my best friends.

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