Archive for September, 2005


Sunday, September 11th, 2005

a dream : some friends and I were walking down the street in our small hometown. Some guy comes up and asks my friend if he likes porn. and we all say yea sure and this guy hands my friend a card and walks away. We take a look at the card and it says something to the effect to meet at this secret location for a party.
So, when the night comes, me and friends jump into a car, and drive out into the middle of no where. it’s the back country, through some overgrown field in the middle of the woods, we were afraid the car would get stuck on weeds. eventually the field ended in a pond, and according to the directions we were to continue to drive onto the pond. after much hesitation, that we did and the car drove right on top of the water. We moved to our destination at the far end of the pond and parked there. we waited and waited and nothing ever happened. until the water started to swirl, big blue circles came up from under the car, and the car was pulled underwater.
magically, our car was safe and sound on a new road. in the middle of some street and we were surrounded by people. we cranked the car and parked it. got out, and noticed the party. most people were in these outlandish costumes. music was blaring, people were everywhere just having fun.
at some point i met sarah. she was hot, she was all legs. really, just skin tight pants over the legs and it stopped right there. no torso, head, arms… just legs. but she was still hot. and she became my date apparantly. and we hung out, walked around that sort of thing.

and i dont remember what happend next. ahh well

just answer the phone

Wednesday, September 7th, 2005

welcome to hp automated tech support
please state your product name or model number
me – what the fuck? oh hell (laughs) dammit i just want to talk to someone
sorry, i did not understand that request
please say your request again
me – still laughing
blah blah blah (me not paying attention)
me – uhhh
it’s important we recieve the correct responses to direct you to the best available person
please state is this for a home office or business
me – uhh
it’s important we recieve the correct responses to direct you to the best available person
hold on i’m connecting you now
beep beep beep hold dial tone wait
hold music
hold music stops. hears clicks
(in forieng accent) – thank you for calling hp total care my name is john can i get your blah blah blah (me not paying attention from laughing at this guys accent)
uhh yea i need a recovery cd for a pavilion
ok can i get your blah blah blah (still laughing)
ummm yea my model number is p8562a
ok can i get your telephone number
sure 123-123-1234
wait please(hold)
thanks for being on hold sir
can i get your model number please
sure it’s a 522n
and the serial number?
sure xxxxxxxxxx
that was xxxxyxxxxx
no, it’s xxxxxxxxx
you mean xxxxyxxyxx?
no it’s xxxxxxxxx
can you please spell out your first name?
and your last name?
have you called into hp with this phone number before?
(scrolls down the list of about 20 phone numbers we use for hp)
well yes, i have but i’m not sure if i’ve called this department
do you have a case number?
no, i do not
i have a customer number
a customer number?
can you give that to me please?
sure its xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i do not see that number
ok sir now how can i help you? what is the problem?
i’d just want to get recovery cd’s
you’d like recovery cd’s?
i do not see that telephone number in our system
ok i’ll just create a new record for you then
can you please spell your last name?
and your address
sure it’s xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
are you calling from nord carooleeena?
ok hold on please (hold)
just give me a moment, ok? (hold)
thanks for beinging on hold sir
ok that part is 23.46
Ok do you have any express shipping?
do you have like next day or 2 day shipping?
or do you just have standard shipping?
sir, standard shipping is 1 to 2 days
oh ok then thats fine
ok just give me a few minutes to process this order
thanks for being on hold sir
it will just be a moment sir
hold again
thanks for your patience
some lady picks up this is the floor supervisor
blah blah blah (non understandable accent)verify blah blah blah address please
ok sir and its in henderson nord carooleeena
please write order number xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ok sir and its going to be (blah blah)
ok sure
(blah blah blah)
ok uhhh can you give me the total price?
ok just one minute
ok the total price is 23.46
ok thank you
thank you