is this it?

3 girlfriends ago, it was that i made her loose time in her past.  Because she was with me, she didn’t go to college and all her friends left her.  2 girlfriends ago it was about time in the present.  She was always there.  from the first day we went on a date, i dont really remember a day after that until we broke up that we werent together.  and now it’s about time in the future.  not being able to spend enough time with her and our predetermined kid.  want to know when these relationships were? I bet you could look at my archives here and see the time period where there were very few posts as opposed to the ones where there’s posts every few days. 

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i’m used to being alone, growing up as an only child and secluding myself from home life. I came to enjoy the things I enjoy, and I love to do them, to try to accomplish something in my life.  Usually something creative.  You have no idea how many little song’s i’ve written, how many poems and stories, online services from many many years ago, even before the internet, (i ran a bbs that gave people thier very first public internet email address in the area) until today where i’ve created a popular website seen the world over.  And I don’t feel like i’m done.  I have ideas out the ass of more things to create. It’s a popular theme here if you read back about not having enough time to do them all.  I like to create, and people seem to like my creations fueling it.  but those same people then want all my time then take away my creations, and ability to create.  then i’m not happy.  the ideal thing would be to have someone to help me realize my ambitions.  to do so requires similar ideals and interests which i have yet to find apparantly.  so what do i do?  i feel i could live my life and never accomplish everything i want to do.  it’s hard to explain.  but think of the marathon runner who wants to run a 200 mile race but never can get to the finish.  Each time he tries he comes up short.  So the next time, he has to start all over again to get up to 200 and he just never makes it.  should he give up? or continue towards his dream?

It’s almost Halloween.  I doubt many people actually look at the archives here, so i’ll point you to some old scary stories I wrote.  No One Can Help You Now written in 1995 and The Spirit Within written in 1994.

One Response to “is this it?”

  1. Lisa says:

    so am i the one that kept you from the stuff you like cause to me it looks like you have done alot when i look at the archives… we started dating in 2003 … i am not staying we won’t get back together but it sounds like you have already made up you mind and i am not the one

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