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welcome to hp automated tech support
please state your product name or model number
me – what the fuck? oh hell (laughs) dammit i just want to talk to someone
sorry, i did not understand that request
please say your request again
me – still laughing
blah blah blah (me not paying attention)
me – uhhh
it’s important we recieve the correct responses to direct you to the best available person
please state is this for a home office or business
me – uhh
it’s important we recieve the correct responses to direct you to the best available person
hold on i’m connecting you now
beep beep beep hold dial tone wait
hold music
hold music stops. hears clicks
(in forieng accent) – thank you for calling hp total care my name is john can i get your blah blah blah (me not paying attention from laughing at this guys accent)
uhh yea i need a recovery cd for a pavilion
ok can i get your blah blah blah (still laughing)
ummm yea my model number is p8562a
ok can i get your telephone number
sure 123-123-1234
wait please(hold)
thanks for being on hold sir
can i get your model number please
sure it’s a 522n
and the serial number?
sure xxxxxxxxxx
that was xxxxyxxxxx
no, it’s xxxxxxxxx
you mean xxxxyxxyxx?
no it’s xxxxxxxxx
can you please spell out your first name?
phil
and your last name?
hart
have you called into hp with this phone number before?
(scrolls down the list of about 20 phone numbers we use for hp)
well yes, i have but i’m not sure if i’ve called this department
do you have a case number?
no, i do not
i have a customer number
a customer number?
yes
can you give that to me please?
sure its xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
i do not see that number
ok sir now how can i help you? what is the problem?
i’d just want to get recovery cd’s
you’d like recovery cd’s?
yes
i do not see that telephone number in our system
ok i’ll just create a new record for you then
can you please spell your last name?
and your address
sure it’s xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
are you calling from nord carooleeena?
yes
ok hold on please (hold)
just give me a moment, ok? (hold)
thanks for beinging on hold sir
ok that part is 23.46
Ok do you have any express shipping?
umm
do you have like next day or 2 day shipping?
uhhh
or do you just have standard shipping?
sir, standard shipping is 1 to 2 days
oh ok then thats fine
ok just give me a few minutes to process this order
waits
thanks for being on hold sir
yes
it will just be a moment sir
hold again
thanks for your patience
some lady picks up this is the floor supervisor
blah blah blah (non understandable accent)verify blah blah blah address please
ok sir and its in henderson nord carooleeena
please write order number xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ok sir and its going to be (blah blah)
ok sure
(blah blah blah)
ok uhhh can you give me the total price?
ok just one minute
ok the total price is 23.46
ok thank you
thank you
bye

i cant get on the internets it says somethign about the dial tone
ok , well that means that your computer’s picking up the phone line and not hearing a dial tone. you should check your cables to be sure they’re plugged in properly. If they are, it might be a problem with your modem.
i put america online on there, you reckon that got anything to do with it?
i dont think so, no dial tone means somethings not right with the connection
what would you do if you were me?
check the phone cable
i put that america online on there, you think that’s it
i think it’s the cable
what would you do if you were me? call america online?
you could try that
cuz i put that america online on there
ok
what would you do?
i’d restart the computer
restart it?
yea
ok
ok
then i’ll call america online
ok
bye

hello this is phil
yea umm i need a command prompt for windows 98 boot disk
hu?
i need a command prompt for windows 98 boot disk
what do you mean?
this thing says i need a command prompt disk
what are you trying to do?
install windows 98 from this boot disk
the cd for windows 98 should also come with a boot disk

that disk has command prompt on it. did you get a disk with your windows 98?
ummm
that disk has command prompt on it
ok

www.whootah.com!!! CRAZY TASTY!!!!

well doodiebug
i’ll be dog on pookiewoodle

in case you didnt know, i also run a site called whootah.com. And coinciding with my 28th birthday on July 5, the whootah website underwent a massive redesign. visit it! www.whootah.com

today i heard some old lady in the local bojangles say “There’s one thing about the weather, it’s the only thing the government can’t control”

recently instead of saying “she drove around the parking lot” i said “she scrolled around the parking lot” same thing

Yea, my computer wont do nothing.
ok, it wont come on?
no it wont come on. but i got this wierd error message on the screen
but…
it says there was an error in .. oo wait it just cut off again
ok turn it back on
the computer?
yea
ok, but i need to wait 10 minutes before i can turn it on
why is that?
that’s what that other guy told me
no, go ahead and turn it on
ok its on. now it wont do nothing again
ok whats on the screen
that same thing
what same thing?
that i had before
what does it say?
i dont know, it just says all this crazy stuff
but i need to know what’s the error
it just has this thing. it’s a blue screen and in the right there’s this one box and on the left is another line and at the bottom it has ok and cancel.
ok, so what’s the wording there?
it just says cancel

*sigh*

I had the first few lines. the middle stanza and the final punch line. but its all gone now

i’ve got this damned song stuck in my head that i dont like. we’re out looking for astronauts, looking for astronauts. repeated. repeated repeated