Late-night brain dump

and upon realizing the lateness of the night i have a false sense of energy as i think of how the time changed and it would normally be 11:58 right now.

and upon realizing this lateness and energy i realized upon my reflection a reflection of words that urged to be written here. so here i am and what i write now will be just a bunch of goop because its so late. at this time my mind functions wildly. i do my best writing here, or worst for some people. i create wonderful songs. i can lie in bed at night waiting to fall asleep and have a complete song in my head that i made up just then and not remember a damn bit of it in the morning. i have wonderful dreams that would make great stories. but i cant remember the majority of them when i awake.

lately i have been having dreams over and over of past relationships. etching themselves out in my mind. refer to march’s poetry collection. and as i exit out of yet another relationship my mind ponders its fate. i can not speak of this new old relationship right yet. i will in due time. so dont ask me about it. if i care about you, you already know. but i care about others who dont know because theres more to the story than whats been known. i dont know where the end will be.

its so late and i’m typing things i dnot want to say. i’m misspelling words i know how to spell and its so late i dont care to correct them. in fact i just took my glasses off and now i cant even read the words i am typing on the screen. i dont even know why i leave my monitor on.

i worked outside today. i fixed my lawnmower up. put oil in it, sharpened the blades. and cut my grass. afterwards, i grilled myself a nice juicy steak on my grill. i cooked some corn, yellow and white. and some mushrooms and garlic.

when i was young me and my dad would always work outside on the weekends and grandma would always have lunch waiting for us at lunch time. we’d go eat and go back out to work. i want a girl who would take care of me like that. my grandma died when i was in early high school i think. i don’t know the year. i didnt go see her, i didn’t want to see her sick. i regret that so much. i still have cookies she made for me. no one makes them like she did. and banana pudding. i like banana pudding. i can barely see red lines as i type banana so i know i’m spelling it woring. i dont care.

these are mini observations my friend pretzelboy said to me recently. my room is lit by my monitor and my mixer and my stereo. i have a new song i wrote. well part of a new song. actually i have 2 new songs. one on guitar, one on the computer. they arent finished of course. i dont remember the last time i finished something.

even my web pages isnt finished. the files link dont work. theres hardly any pictures in the picture link. i dont have good pictures. i havent finished my con report from last year. if your smart you can figure out how to access all the pictures that i havent linked to yet. good luck.

i want to write a story but i dont know what to write so i write here. why are there so many red lines?? i refuse to use my glasses. its late. pathetic.

last weekend it felt good outside. i thought of walking down to my nearby pond with my dogs. then i thought how rare it is for me to want to do anything outside. so rare, i wanted to come back inside and mention it on my web page that i was going to be outside. but i didn’t. i went in and played a game. i want a bike. so i can ride it to the pond.

i want to sleep. its late now. its so loud in here. the tmbg concert was very awesome. its late and i’m going to bed now. i’ll read what i wrote in the morning if i remember and see how bad i misspelled all of this. thanks for reading. hope i enlightened you a bit