i’m just a small
part of your plan, i can see it. I believe in contradictions.
the notes sing such melodies, only no one’s here to harmonize. i’ve
redecorated my room to create a one second delay reverb so i can now truly talk
to myself. i call my cat more ‘pet’ names than my last girlfriend.
maybe i’m looking at life in the wrong way. maybe i’m making it more complicated
than it is. i mean, if a bunch of sims
can get together in the game of life and have a good job, create relationships
and the like by the direction of a few keystrokes, why isn’t life really that
simple? can you really calculate and compute an algorithm for your life?
is it all a matter of time management? invite a friend over every few
days. entertain them. get a tv and a big couch so you can all sit
and watch and talk. be sure to eat in the morn and at night, be sure you
use the potty before your friends show up and you go all over the floor.
be sure you have enough energy to last you throughout the day, or you’ll fall
over from exhaustion. pay your bills or you’ll be booted out.
but isn’t that all there really is to it? who said it had to be so
complicated? i now analyze in real life if it’s more time efficient for me
to go to the bathroom or to sleep now and go in the morning. I
wonder if it’s more time efficient to wash my hands and to go have a quick
breakfast as opposed to not washing hands and having a big breakfast. When
i’m with friends, i constantly search for a method to increase our fun meter.
i rearranged one of the first sentences i wrote above to apply more thought to
another. i’m listening to yokko kanno. i dont know if i spelled that
correctly. i have to get up in about 7.5 hours. i think i’ll take
some drugs (nyquil) tonight to help me sleep. i usually only take drugs on
the night of a big trip, so i’ll be rested. or when i’m just not sleeping
good recently for some reason. maybe it’s stress. i feared for my
life in my dream last night. i hid around he other side of a car while i
lured the machine to the one parked next to it under water. it got stuck,
assumed it was on me and exploded it’s thousands of pins and needles everywhere.
luckily, i swam away. thanks to the man who yielded to me today. it
was not necessary. i felt bad afterwards. i just noticed on #14
about about 2:30 or so, the release on the piano is cut short, you don’t hear
the full natural decay. being a little involved in music really forces changes
onto how you listen to music. i notice the smallest thing. but
everyone says i’m picky about everything anyway. which i’ll agree to.
i didn’t go to the state fair this year. i didn’t go last year. i
have no ambition to go, too many people. i can stand in my closet and let
everything topple down on top of me and be more comfortable than if i was in the
middle of that fair. the rides scare me. that is, the safety of the
rides scare me. ahh well, enough randomness tonight. my arm hurts.
it’s your fault. night
Monday, October 28, 2002
i’m just a small