My writing is hard
to understand, i know. i am a member of a writers group, thanks Bev! and i
submitted a poem the other day. same one i put here the other day. last
night. no one understood it it seems, so i decided to write about it, and
while at it introduce myself and writing style to the group. i think it
may be a good read for you, so i’ll post it here too. enjoy:
Ok, let me do some introduction stuff then. Perhaps I should never have pointed
out my confusion on the technicality of breasts, breast’s or breasts’ because
that set the notion that I was trying to be technical, or am a technical writer.
But, I particularly wanted that word to be correct because it would change it’s
meaning depending on where the ‘ was. I actually rarely use punctuation in
poetry. My punctuation is a line break, or a rhyme scheme breakdown, if there is
a rhyme scheme. Or a word or phrase that would catch you off guard. It pauses to
make you think for a second about what you just read in some way.
I have always been told my writing was confusing, cryptic even, and I’m not
quite sure how to take that. i’m not a technical writer. I have written some
technical things before with funky rhyme schemes, lines per stanza, things like
that. but it’s not my normal. I attempt to write to convey a particular feeling,
emotion or idea. I consider my poetry a riddle, and if you are successful in
reading it, you would ideally have the exact feeling, image, idea so forth I had
when writing it. however, as you guys have pointed out, my portrayals hardly
come off as obvious. But then I think that’s a good thing.
I write just before I go to bed. I’m already half asleep. If I have an idea or
feeling I want to express, I break out my notebook and pencil and begin writing.
It take about 5 – 10 minutes. Rarely any longer. I write the entire thing, and
within the first 2 or 3 lines, I know if I like it good enough to continue it or
just stop while I’m ahead. I cant say that I sit down and already know what I’m
going to write, or have it planned in any way. I just write. Free association I
think is what you call it. and once I reach a line where I can sum it all up in
some way, or throw a kicker into the entire poem, and I suddenly have the
feeling ‘that’s it!’ then I simply stop. Date it, fall asleep and that’s the way
it stays unless I see something just plain wrong or something. If I were to
change it later, then I’ve changed the meaning of the poem, I’ve ruined my
attempt to make the reader feel the exact feelings I had when writing it.
This being said, let me do a self explanation of my poem:
this sweet caress
of eyelash possess
– the idea I want to portray here is the same as the phrase ‘apple of my eye’ i
think is the best way to describe this set of lines. An admiration for someone.
cat like pounce
of your breasts’ every ounce
– according to Bennett and Monte’s descriptions, breasts’ is correct here. There
are 2 of course, and they possess pounce. How’s that? 😉 what I mean is not
‘nice, big, round’ ones, but the way little firm ones sorta jiggle when walking.
As far as rhythm or syllables, I’m from the south. Here, we (or I anyway)
pronounce breasts’ not like breast ess eees, but as breas (as in that’s a silent
these walls are oiled
with your buttercup lotion
– imagine a nice smelling lady (via lotion for instance) walking down a hallway.
As time (days, weeks) goes by, the walls absorb her scent. Now that you mention
it, it could be considered rather nasty. But it was not my intention at all to
portray that feeling. You’re right. oiled doesn’t rhyme up. I did think briefly
of that as I was writing it. I had a rhyme scheme going. but at that point, I
didn’t know what to rhyme with oiled, and I felt no matter what I chose to rhyme
with it, it wouldn’t have portrayed the image I wanted to in these 2 lines. But
that’s been a trend lately, to start a nice rhyming scheme, then have it all
fall apart, or even into just a prose piece at the end!
catch that motion
appease my emotions
– the (n)motion of her walking down a hallway with her pouncing and the like is
appealing. A trick to my writing: I don’t even know the real meaning of
‘appease’, it just crept in there and sounded good, so its there.
held tightly at night
until morning light
– this lovely image, if not the lady herself, laying in bed beside me. able to
hold and touch all night until morning.
a quick vanish upon awaken
my heart with you have taken
– this is the ‘kicker’ I was mentioning about. Here, the idea is that this lady
is wonderful, but in reality, she actually only exists in my dreams. You’re
right, the wording is old school. Would comma’s have made it better? My heart,
with you, have taken? Doesn’t look right though. Yea it’s outta place. But it
portrayed the feeling I wanted, and it rhymed.
– uhh this is the date I wrote it 😉
trust me, I’m not downplaying your critiques, and I greatly, greatly appreciate
them. but I also wanted to explain my writing ‘style’ to you guys too so maybe
you can see where I’m trying to come from and where I’m trying to take the
reader. All this being said, yes technically, my poems are a nightmare. Maybe I
could better describe my poetry as ‘inside jokes’ 😉
Wednesday, June 18, 2003 – 11:13 pm – just a quick note
to note i have noted some new poetry here. send me a note and let
me know what you think