radialmonster.com

Category: General

  • Wednesday, June 13, 2001

    ha ha you jealous little
    bitches!  i already got it!  it only took me about 15 fucking minutes,
    of course, i had some code i had already written i used.  but now, i can
    update this news piece independently of the main web site.  i think it’s
    pretty sweet.  next, i’m gonna make a generic work viewer, for articles,
    stories, poetry, whatever.  ahahahahah!!

  • Wednesday, June 13, 2001

    that’s right, i’m gonna create some
    bitching shit!  i realized with all the content and shit i wanna put on
    this site, i have to code the displaying of the page.  so i’m gonna work on
    that tonight and if i finish, maybe i’ll have time to start that article.
    but knowing me, i’ll find something else to occupy my time, and i will never do
    it.  that’s my problem. i start doing something, get interested in doing
    something else, and forget about the first one!  just like now, i should be
    coding.  leave me alone dammit!

  • Tuesday, June 12, 2001

    damn this work too.  i got home from work,
    took a shower, am cooking right now, still haven’t ate yet, and it’s already
    damn 8:30pm!  i’m adding to the site as i can, i’d like to code most of
    the content in asp, but with all the links and things i wanna do to it, it
    might just be easier to create the raw files with frontpage.  i wanna
    make content.  one of the main reasons i started this site is to get me
    back into writing, which i used to do all the time.  now i don’t have
    the ambition to do it.  i’m not in the mood after working all
    day.  when i’m not working, i’m working around my house, or
    entertaining myself on the computer or something.  my environment is
    not suited for writing, i have 4 cats, a rabbit a hermit crab, and sometimes
    a dog all inside.  i have more animals outside.  actually most of
    these animals are my kinda girlfriend’s.  they make tooooo much
    noise.  years ago, when i used to write, i could sit in my room when i
    lived with my mom and her husband and tune out absolutely
    everything.    when they went to bed it was dead quiet, i
    could think.  no one bothered me.  i would write poetry, or
    stories, i had a few published, and i really enjoyed doing it.  i
    consider myself to be a creative person, and i need to be doing something
    creative and in my field of vision to stay focused and happy in life.
    so, back to the subject, (i ramble a lot, part of my writing) if i write on
    this web site, it will get me adapted to writing again and maybe i can be as
    good it as i used to be.  and i decided what my first article will
    be.  i really enjoyed vilette’s
    article on picrave    .  but i see A/S/L as something different.
    i’ll post it here as soon as i’m done.

  • Monday, June 11, 2001

    i finally decided to write something on this damn
    website.  its a work in progress, but i wanted to have a nice place for
    friends and strangers alike to go to learn more about me and to check out
    the things that interest me.  the cam pic is just a peek into my world,
    and if you see me on the cam at a current time but i’m not in the chat, it’s
    because i’m fucking doing something on the damn internet.  thats why i
    get on the net anyway.  so if you want to get me, the best thing to do
    would be to send me an email cuz i check that every so often when i get
    lonely.  right now i’m listening to some music from escaflowne
    which i’ve only recently gotten into.    ive been staying up
    too late recently.  it’s already 11:40pm and i’m tired as hell.  i
    gotta get up for work at 7:30am.  my girl’s gone right now, so i’ve
    actually been able to do things that i want to do around here for a
    change.  things i need to do, things i should be doing anyway
    regardless of if she was here or not.  but she will never understand
    that.  but i get so caught up in doing them i stay up too late.
    damn this need for sleep.  damn this getting old, i used to be able to
    stay up till 2 or so in the morning and be able to get up for school, but
    those days are a long time ago.

  • Why Are You Here?

    I had secluded myself into my own little world. I had indulged myself in my
    own thoughts. I had blocked out everything else. I was in the state where
    nothing mattered to me, and I mattered everything to nothing else. In this
    own little state of mind, my own little world, I was happy.

    Others looked down upon me. They said that I had forgotten about them, and
    about life. They said that I didn’t talk, or show emotions. I do talk.You
    just can’t hear it. Only me and myself can hear my words of wisdom echo
    throughout my vast mind. Can’t hear them? Good, you aren’t supposed to. I
    wasn’t talking to you anyway.

    Others started avoiding me. I made them unhappy; I depressed them they said.
    Why? What’s their problem? Can’t I relate to others the way I please? Do
    unto others unless they do unto you first, for then it’s revenge.

    I thought that everyone had stopped thinking about me. That was when I saw you
    here. Why are you here? This place isn’t for you. You still have contact
    with others. You should be with them. I am here because I choose to be here,
    but you are not. Something forced you here.

    No matter, either way you should leave. You should leave soon before you are
    stuck here. Once you stay here too long, you can’t return. Even though I
    have spent years here, I can return if I choose, but I do not. This place is
    better for me than anywhere else. I like it here.

    Why do you like it here? This is a no-man’s land of thought. There is
    nothing here but yourself to talk to, to think about, or to interact with. You
    will miss that other place, the place you belong. You will want to return,
    but you will be so lost here that you cannot.

    I can see you now; I can see you there. It’s getting late, too late. All of
    your friends have left as you have left them. I can see you alone. It’s
    getting dark, too dark. All of your energy has been drained. I can see you
    silent. It’s getting lonely, too lonely. All of your thoughts are one now.
    I can see you crying. It’s getting cold, too cold. All of your compassion is
    gone.

    Now, as the people dressed in white come to take you away, I can see your
    friends and family wondering what went wrong. And, as the men dressed in white
    lock you up and listen to your childhood stories, you fight with the men
    dressed in black, the ones trying to lock the door behind you here.

    I don’t like this; I don’t like watching you deteriorate. You are becoming
    too much like myself. I am not like this, am I? It’s been so long since I saw
    myself there. When I look there, I can’t find myself. I’m still there, aren’t
    I? I look at you here, and I look at you there. I’m not like you, am I? I
    thought I still had some hope of leaving this place.

    Seeing you like this, I question my being here, just as much as I question
    your being here. I think I must leave this place; I must leave soon before
    I am stuck here. I like it here no longer.

    Now, I am on the other side. I am here and you are there. I am happy here.
    My friends and family are coming back to me. My thoughts and memories have
    returned.

    Why are you there? You seclude yourself into you own little world. You
    indulge yourself in your own thoughts. You block out everything else. You
    are in the state where nothing matters to you, and you matter everything to
    nothing else. In this own little state of mind, your own little world, you
    are happy.

    5-25-1994