Monday, June 11, 2001

i finally decided to write something on this damn
website.  its a work in progress, but i wanted to have a nice place for
friends and strangers alike to go to learn more about me and to check out
the things that interest me.  the cam pic is just a peek into my world,
and if you see me on the cam at a current time but i’m not in the chat, it’s
because i’m fucking doing something on the damn internet.  thats why i
get on the net anyway.  so if you want to get me, the best thing to do
would be to send me an email cuz i check that every so often when i get
lonely.  right now i’m listening to some music from escaflowne
which i’ve only recently gotten into.    ive been staying up
too late recently.  it’s already 11:40pm and i’m tired as hell.  i
gotta get up for work at 7:30am.  my girl’s gone right now, so i’ve
actually been able to do things that i want to do around here for a
change.  things i need to do, things i should be doing anyway
regardless of if she was here or not.  but she will never understand
that.  but i get so caught up in doing them i stay up too late.
damn this need for sleep.  damn this getting old, i used to be able to
stay up till 2 or so in the morning and be able to get up for school, but
those days are a long time ago.

Observations 1

Well, I was riding the CityLink one day, as I always do, every day, back and forth from Downtown Ninth Street to the City Space. Not going to work, or shopping or anything, just to go because I had nothing else better to do besides spend my time with others who had nothing else better to do than to spend their time with others. Although, some people were dressed to do stuff, like go to work, and you could always tell what type of work they did by the clothes they wore; I was dressed in a pair of rugged shorts made from old jeans that were too long anyway and a shirt that came almost below my belly-button. The business men had white shirts and ties, the factory workers had clothes wet from sweat, the drivers had on casual clothes, and everyone else dressed as they pleased, or whatever pleased others.

The train was old, pen and knife carvings lined the walls and slashed the seats, pictures drawn into the fog on the windows leaving a ghost behind. There were three seats to a row on one side, and two on the other. I don’t know why the difference, maybe because you can’t sleep on only two seats. The artwork on the train was very nice, done by local people who “deface city property” but if the kids didn’t paint the train, then who would? A drab, large piece of sheet metal going through the city just doesn’t appeal to me. There were cameras on the train on each end of the cars, or at least places where cameras might go, you know, a black semi-see-through piece of glass. I guess that’s so after whoever was bored finished killing everyone, they could see who it was. I guess it may sound bad, but it’s free, if not I couldn’t afford to ride it.

I had a window seat now, since the guy that was sitting there left the train, I moved into his seat so I could now examine the city as it streaked by. And I wondered why I did so, not like anything was different from any other day, same things for the past 4 months, which is how long I’ve been riding. (Not 4 months straight, of course, every day for 4 months.) With the roads beside the tracks with cars that drove, confined by a white and yellow line, usually, I wondered why if the road was so bad, why didn’t they just take the train like me and not go through traffic and sit here in the window seat, watching other people drive by being stuck in traffic. But, then if everyone rode the train, then why would we need roads anyway, and how would people get to the train so they could look out the window at no roads?

I sat there and watched the people get on and off the train at their various stops and I wondered where it was they had to be that was so important for them to leave their homes. I choose City Space because that’s the farthestthe train goes, and Ninth Street because that’s the farthest it goes in the other direction. Not like I know what direction each is, for all I know, the train could go in a circle, and Ninth Street and City Space are only a few feet apart, seperated by a few buildings. But the ride takes forever, I guess seeing as I don’t have a watch, and the other people that ride always look at theirs every so often, so I figured it must be an important watch and if they cared to share the time with everyone, then they would do so.

I had just remembered something, it had been a long time since anyone had gotten on the train and offered everyone a breath mint. I mean, days. Man, my breath must’ve been smelling bad, good thing no one was talking to me. That’s when I noticed a lady beside me and up front a row popped a mint into her mouth, and I was fixing to ask her for one, but then I thought that if I had bad breath then she wouldn’t want to smell it, so I didn’t. I just pulled up my shirt and smiled greatly, rubbing the cleanest part of the shirt over my teeth. Then, I looked at what was on my shirt, and flicked it off.

I don’t know why I look each time I do something like that. Maybe to see how bad it was, or how good, just depends. Since this is a major tourist city, probabally the biggest market is the sale of cameras and film. You can always tell a tourist from the natives, not by the maps as most people say, but the way they look around at every few feet, whip out their camera and take a picture of practially everything, a building, a street lamp, a store front, a clump of grass, and even this raggedy thing I’m in now, inside and out. If I had a camera, the last thing I would want to take a picture of is this, I have enough sights of it to last me a few lifetimes. I’d take a picture of the people in the city since I’ve hardly ever seen the same person more than once. Some of the people I would love to see more than once, some of the ladies I wish could have a permanent seat beside me. But, that would be torture to both of us.

I’ve always wondered why so many people get on and don’t say anything, they just sit there, and stare. I still haven’t figured out what they’re staring at yet, maybe they see things I don’t. Most bring along a newspaper, or they find one already laying around and pass the time with that. I still haven’t figured out why no one just takes the newspaper with them instead of reading and leaving it there. Who says that the paper there is free for all to read anyway? What if it was mine. Yea, that would be funny, if I had a newspaper and someone picked it up to read and I said Hey buddy, that’s my paper and they would look at me and probabally wonder where I got the paper from anyway, and if I could even read. If I couldn’t read, then why would I have a newspaper? To look at the pictures? A picture tells a thousand words, so if I could just look at the pictures, then I don’t have to read the story. In fact, what’s the point of having the story, just have a newspaper with only pictures. Then, all those people who actually write something wouldn’t have anything to do, so they would have to learn to take pictures, too.

Why do I think about such things? I guess because I have nothing else to think about, or at least I can’t think of anything. I’ve realized that since I’m writing these thoughts down, I can’t merly think freely as before, I have to think about what I’m thinking. And, I guess, so do others.

No One Can Help You Now

George, a small 9 year old boy, was on his way to Fred’s house, one of his classmates. Fred was having a sleepover that night, and he had invited several of his friends. George was new at school, he had not had time to meet everyone, so he felt a little uneasy.

Stepping towards the house after his mom dropped him off, George saw there were no lights on inside. All was quiet. He wondered if this was the right house. As he stepped onto the front steps, he heard a creaking from inside. He stopped, and listened. He drove closer, and he heard it again. As he stepped in front of the door, and looked up, the door flew open. “Hey, Bud,” shouted Fred. “Come on in.”

Fred’s mom came towering over him to greet George and let him in. “Everyone’s been waiting for you. Glad you could make it,” exclaimed Clarice.

“Come on, everyone’s down here.” Fred ran off down the hall. George told Clarice thanks, and followed his friend.

George had seen which door Fred disappeared into, so he ventured down the hall until he approached the door. Fred had closed it behind him. Hurriedly, he opened the door only to find a black void. He could hear giggling on the floor, so he stepped in and closed the door. He took a step, only to find there was no floor. These must be steps, he thought. Carefully, he descended down the stairs. As he reached the bottom, Fred lit a candle. George could now see the glowing, red faces of 5 other kids. None of them he recognized.

“Hey, George,” mumbled the group, “Sit down.” George took a seat in the now circle of 6. They all sat around a single, black candle, not saying a word. George sat there for 10 minutes being as still and quiet as possible as to not offend the others. His eyes focused on the flame. It grew higher into the air with each breath he took. He sat there for 30 minutes staring into the flame. His eyes could see nothing else. Suddenly, someone sneezed. This woke George up from his trance. He looked around. He saw Fred peering into the darkness with a pale look on his face.

“Whats’a matter, Fred,” questioned George. Fred sat there, quietly. He did not speak. George was puzzled.

“We are alone, now.” Fred paused. “There is no one around.” George looked around, the red glare from the candle limited his sight. “If you screamed,” said Fred, “no one would listen.”

George sat there, looking strangely at his friend. He was too scared to say anything. “No one can help you now, George. We are alone, just you and me.” The candle burned out. “Take a guess where you are. You are here. Here, there is nothing. Time doesn’t even exist here. Nothing exists here, for we are not here.” George’s eyes widened. He stood up and ran towards the stairs. He quickly tripped over the first step and let out a loud scream.

“No one can hear you, George. No one is here. No one can help you, George.” George heard footsteps coming towards him. “No one can help you anymore, no one cares. No one cares. No one cares. No one cares.” The words repeated themselves over and over. He let out a loud scream, but not even he could hear it. He tried again, but nothing. Suddenly, he fell off the floor as if someone had turned the room upside down. He fell into the darkness for what seemed like forever. He tried to scream, but he still let out no sound. It would have done no good, anyway. He could see a small, dim light getting closer and closer as he fell. He fell into the flame, and it torched him in a bright flaming red, which he could see even with his eyes

“George! George,” shouted Clarice as she jogged down the stairs. She had turned the lights on in the basement. George was lying on his back with the 5 kids standing over him looking
down. They were questioning him as to what had happened. George sat up quickly and looked around. He stood up.

“What happened, son,” asked Clarice.

“I dunno,” replied Fred.

Suddenly, George looked around and ran out the door, and down the street towards home, where ever that was.


Katie saw her dad’s picture right there in the living room. It was great, it had the nice wooden frame around it and him set up there on that chair like a king on his throne. Katie never had forgotten about him. He was always in her mind, but somehow, it seemed like he never was here. It was years ago since Katie saw him last, years ago since Katie really talked to him, since Katie ever touched him. Katie remembered their bonding times together, those rumblings in the living room floor, going to the beach in the summer, even sleeping in the same bed. But, it all seemed like they were only memories of someone else, a tv show perhaps, like it never really happened.

What if it really didn’t happen? What if they were only memories? Memories of some person in her and her mom’s mind that they both share. That wasn’t possible, though. Still, the memories seemed so distant. Even though she still held onto them, it seemed like life had always been the same without him. Anyway, she finally had a picture of him for herself. Her mom helped put it up across the room from her bed in her bedroom. It looked great hanging there, especially here the sun would come in through the window and light up his face. That half grin piercing through his skin showed the kindness he had, and Katie knew that he would now be there to watch over her as he had before.

Katie wondered if he ever thought about her after he died. No one will ever know. But, what made Katie really happy was after she looked closely at his picture. She had given him a heart necklace for Christmas years ago with her picture inside. And, sure enough, in that picture hanging on the wall, he adorned the necklace around his head like a leash connecting
the two together. That’s when Katie realized that they would never forget each other.

The Christmas Boss

I saw these two men dressed in black. They both had large burlap bags thrown over their shoulders and they didn’t look fat and jolly or anything. Their bags were full of stuff, I could tell. Lots of things, and I know there was jewlery in there because I could hear it rattling. I was waiting to see what they would pull out of their bags next, maybe a doll, candy, a playhouse,
a horse, or some of that jewlery. But, then I saw them put a package in the bag. I was totally confused. Why would Santa take presents away? Maybe they weren’t mine and he put them out by mistake or something. Then he put another gift in the bag, and another! I was getting scared because almost all my presents were gone. So, I got the nerve and walked into the living
room. I said, “Santa, why are you taking away all my presents? Are they not mine?”

He stopped and looked at me, a gift in his hand, and smiled. He paused for a moment and finally said, “No, these presents aren’t for you. They were delivered here by mistake.” He looked at his other friend, maybe they were elves or something. “But, we can take you to find your real presents,” he said excitedly.

Wow! I could go with the elves to find my presents! I bet they were at the north pole in some big warehouse where Santa gets all his toys. Maybe I could even meet Santa!

“Well… Yea,” I told them. “That would be cool!” At that moment, they picked me up and threw me in an empty bag. They tied it shut, and it was dark and itchy, but I could breathe. This sure was weird, I thought maybe they had a sleigh or something with reindeer but they put me in the trunk of a car along with all the other bags. We drove around for about 30 or so minutes, and we were there! The north pole! I couldn’t wait to see it.

I bet it would be all cool with white snow as far as you could see and little elves everywhere making their toys and all these buildings, and even Santa’s house in the distance. But, it turned out they had already taken me into their warehouse because when they untied the bag, and I stuck my head out, I could see thousands of bags all filled with presents and a lot of these little elves dressed in black outfits and such running around as fast as they could. They were all carrying these big toy guns, and they even tried some of them out on each other, after yelling real loudly about it, and they were real loud and sounded like the ones on tv. And, It was really funny because then the guy would start screaming and everyone would duck and he would fall to the ground clutching his chest, but I didn’t laugh because no one else laughed. It must not have been too funny.

Then I heard one of them say, “Hey! It’s the boss!” and they all turned around and looked at this guy comming. He was real big, and fat and he blew his somke out of this long pipe looking thing and he laughed real jolly like when he saw the guy on the floor. He started pointing and jumping up and down and screaming and all, it was great. Santa’s really a nice guy.

Then, Santa said “So, you boys ready for your Christmas Presents?”

And they all said, “Yea, boss! Yea!” And they started all waving their toy guns and everything. Santa looked in a nearby bag, and took out a really big present. He looked at it carefully, and said, “To Doug. This is to you, Billy.” Santa didn’t have his glasses on, so I guess he just gave the present to who he wanted to. He threw the present over to one of the elves who caught it and opened it quickly. It was a big train set!

With the engine and all the cars and track and everything, even little people. I think he really liked it. He continued through all the elves and they all had the coolest presents, I wish I had some of them.

Then, when Santa was finished, one of the elves that was at my house said, “Hey, Boss! We got YOU a present!” Santa asked what it was. “He’s right here!” And he pointed to me! Santa looked at me and blew a puff a smoke.

He put his finger aside of his nose, and gave a little wink. He started walking towards me! Ohhh Santa comming to meet me! I get to talk to Santa! I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there as he stood above me. Santa was big, and he smelled like my daddy after he and my mom go out to the bars. And, then he laughed really jolly like and walked away. He said to package me up and send me down the river. And then, one of the elves threw a burlap bag over me and tied it again. He put me in the back seat of one of their cars and we took off.

So, here I sit. In the back seat of one of Santa’s cars. The elf driving me has the music really loud listening to Jingle Bell Rock and we are going real fast and everything. I wonder when Santa will give me my presents?

A Christmas Beginning

Once upon a time in a land far, far away filled with magic there lived a dragon by the name of Fred. Now, Fred had to be the worst looking creature there ever was. He had slimy, scaly skin which was a dark red. His neck was very long, and his tail even longer. He had wings on his back which let him fly anywhere he chose and his breath was the worst! He could breathe fire and roast anyones chicken or burn down a whole village.

Because of this, Fred was pretty lonely. He flew around the world constantly looking for a friend. Then, one day he found this little girl on the hillside. Her name was Sally. But, when Fred flew down to meet Sally, she was frightened and ran away. So, he hid behind a cloud and followed Sally to her house. Now, he knew where Sally lived.

Fred wanted to meet Sally very badly, he wanted a friend. But, Sally was frightened of him, so he thought long and hard of he could meet her. Finally, he had an answer. He would dress up in a disguise and go to her house.

Fred went through all his clothing chests to find the perfect disguise. Finally, he pulled out a large red coat and hat. He threw on the coat and put his wings under it. He also wrapped his tail around him and let it hang in front of him under the coat like a big belly. He put on the red hat so his ears wouldn’t get cold when he was flying.

Fred realized that he couldn’t just go to her house for no reason, so he decided that he would bring her a present. He took his favorite toy, put it in a box and wrapped it up so she wouldn’t know what was inside.

When he got outside and ready to go, he realized he woudn’t be able to fly because his wings were under his coat. So, he asked his friend Todd, the deer, to help him. He asked if he and his friends would pull a sleigh for him to ride in to Sallys house. Todd said he would and he gathered his friends and they all strapped themselves to the sleigh and ran off into the country. Todd said that his friends were tired, so Fred sprinkled a magic powder on them and up they went into the air and they flew the rest of the way.

When they finally got to Sally’s house, Fred got out and knocked on her door, but there was no answer. He tried to open it, but it was locked. So, Fred snuck up to the rooftop and found the chimney. He sprinkled another magic powder on himself and shrunk so he could fit down the hole.

He entered the house through the fireplace but didn’t see Sally. Everyone had already gone to bed. Fred went into Sally’s room and saw her laying there on the bed. She didn’t know he was there, and she was sleeping so soundly that Fred didn’t want to wake her up. He left the present on the floor with a note on it saying that he wants to be friends, gave her a kiss on
the cheek and left.

The next morning, Sally woke up and found the present and note. She was so excited that she wanted to meet Fred again and play together, so Fred came back to her house and they played on the hillside.

Fred had such a good time with Sally that day that he vowed to do this every year to all the children. And this is how Christmas came to be.

Thanksgiving Surprise

It was 8 O’clock in the morning, and the telephone rang. Rick jumped out of bed and ran across the room as best as he could to jump over clothes and books and papers while still half asleep. He slumped into his chair and picked up the phone. There was no one on the other end. “Oh, I forgot to turn the ringer off last night,” he said to himself. He turned his computer on and waited for the screen to come up. “Happy Thanksgiving,” it said aloud over the small speakers hidden in the wall. A picture on the screen of a turkey came up and a listing of all files on the computer appeared. The files began to move into the turkeys mouth as he gobbled them up. “Oh, damn,” he said, slamming his hands on the keyboard. He reached forward over his now spilt drink and turned the computer off. The water was beginning to fall on the floor so he grabbed some nearby papers and tried to dry it up. “Damn hackers, always wanting to ruin my holidays. I wish they’d get caught and be thrown in jail for life. Other people call here to play games, but no,” he said lengthened out, “these fools want to destroy something!”

He got out of his chair and walked out of the room into the kitchen, opening the door of the freezer to pull out what was left of last weeks pizza. He placed it on a paper plate and took it back to his room. There was a knock on his door, and he turned around, waiting to see who would be comming through.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Rick”, said his sister as she walked in the room, slumping down on his bed after trying to make it up. She pulled the pillow over her head and hung her feet off the side, grunting. Rick looked at her, laughing saying, “Fun last night?”

“Yea,” she said, “me and Chris had a great time.” Rick looked at her and laughed. Kirstin took the pillow off her head and placed it under her arm, proping herself up to get a better look at Rick’s room. “Gesh.. your room looks great,” looking on the floor at the magazines and clothes. “Looks like the hotel room after me and Chris left last night.” She giggled and burried her head in the pillow rolling over, falling off the bed.

“You idiot,” Rick said. Kirstin got up off the floor and straightened her shirt. She threw the pillow at Rick landing right in his face. When he took the pillow off, she had already walked out leaving the door open behind her. He looked into his walk-in closet which was to cluttered to see the wall on the other side and reached over piles of boxes for the clothes rack. He fumbled through everything in it, even those he knew he couldn’t wear or didn’t like, such as the one his aunt gave him for Christmas last year with pink flowers all over it and the outline of a pocket protector some old guy must have had before he brought it to the goodwill trailer.

Finally, he pulled out a pair of black pants and a flannel type shirt. He threw them on the bed and changed into the clothes, throwing his old ones in the corner, adding to the already huge pile there. He grabbed a comb off the dresser and closed his door to look into the mirror on the back of it. He slicked his hair back, and spit in his hand, rubbing the comb through it, wetting it enough so that his hair would not need any spray.

He slumped down on an old love seat he found at the local landfill; on the left hand side, never the right side. That was saved for that special someone that would he would find one day and bring back to his house to hang. He reached into a nearby corner to pull out his old Gremlin guitar and started strumming it trying to make a song which he had been hoping to have down a
few months ago for a friend’s band. His door opened up and his mom came walking through, “Breakfast is ready,” she said. He put the guitar back into the corner and walked into the dinning room where his mom had three plates of scrambled eggs, toast, sausage and a glass of orange juice ready, one for her, his sister and himself. He sat down and started eating
before anyone else did.

“You hungry,” asked Kirstin as she sat watching Rick gobble down his food. “You’ll have plenty to eat tonight, you know.”

“Yea, I know, I’ve just been up all night. By the way, whose all comming tonight, mom?”

“I’m not sure yet. I know it will be us three, your grandparents, aunt and uncle, and cousin. Some more people might come, just not decided yet.”

“Ok, that’s cool,” he said drinking some orange juice. After finishing his plate, he got up and called a friend. “Hey, Roger, what’s going on,” he asked silently. “Yea, me too. You busy today? I was hoping we could do something before tonight.” He paused waiting his response. “Ok, great. I’ll be over sometime, watch for me.” He hung up the phone and walked back to his room, turning on the radio and sitting back in the love seat. His sister walked in the room, still holding a glass of juice in her hand and leaving a trial of toast crumbs behind her.

“Whatcha doing,” she asked.

“Sitting down, why?”

She walked over to the love seat and sat down beside him, on the right hand side. “You really going to Roger’s today?”

Rick looked at her angrily. “Maybe, now go away!”

“Oh, well excuse me, little self-righteous too-proud-to-have-anyone-sit-beside him brother!” She got up and stood in the doorway. “You know, Dad might be comming tonight.”

“No, he ain’t! He’s in Ohio, probabally with some girl he met just last night. I won’t be here if he comes.”

“Yea,” Kirstin said hastily, “but, mom got a letter yesterday saying he is on his way. Personally, I don’t believe it, but you never know.”

“Yea, well… we’ll see. I doubt he’ll be here, we haven’t even talked to him since last Christmas.

“Yea, we’ll see,” she said, winking her eye and turning slowly to walk out of his room. Rick put on his shoes and gathered his wallet, comb and keys and placed them in his pockets. He told his mom he’d be back before supper and went to Roger’s house.

“Hey, man! What’s up,” Roger said as he opened the door.

“Not much, just hanging.”

“I hear ya. Come on in.” Rick followed Roger into his room. He was always eager to go to Roger’s house because he had pictures of those bimbo girls all over his walls like you can get even at K-Mart and his mom didn’t seem to care. “Tonight’s gonna be hell,” Roger said as he sat on the bar stool at his desk. “My whole family’s comming over, and I am stuck here. How about

“Same here,” Rick said slowly. “Dad might be comming.”

“What? You’re kidding! I thought you said he dissappeared!”

“Well, I did. But, mom got a letter yesterday saying that he’s comming today. I don’t believe it, though.”

“No, no way, man! He hasn’t even sent you anything for your birthday! I would skip town, leave, find some girls. Do something!”

“Yea, maybe. But, my mom might get just a little bit upset. Besides, if he does come, I can just leave,” Rick said looking around the room.

After a few hours of talking and watching TV, Rick decided it was about time to go home. To no surprise, when he arrived his Dad was not there. Ricks mom and sister were busy scurrying around the kitchen and dinning area trying to make last minute foods and set up everything to be just perfect. He asked if there was anything he could do, but they only replied that he
would be in the way, so he went to his room and sat on his love seat, left hand side, of course, picked up his guitar and strumed a few chords.

After a while, people started to arrive who all gathered in the living room until supper was ready. Rick’s mom was in the bedroom, and she could be heard crying under the sheets as his grandmother tried to comfort her. He knew what she was crying about, and so did Kirsten, but no one else.

Kirsten was left in the kitchen with her aunt to prepare the food for the perfect Thanksgiving supper. Finally, it was all ready, and the men that were in the living room watching TV had to be drug away to the table. They all sat down at the table and said their Thanksgiving prayer. Afterwards, Rick’s grandfather cut the turkey and passed slices around to everyone.
Everything was perfect, the food was great and nothing had been spilt or turned over yet.

There was a knock at the door. Everyone stopped talking and put their food down in their plates. Rick’s mom looked at his grandmother and smiled. Kirstin got up, since no one else did, and opened the door.

“Dad,” she screamed as he stepped inside. Kirstin threw her arms around him and he did the same. “Look, everyone! Dad’s home!”

Everyone got out of their seats and ran to the door standing there waiting for him to say something. “Mind if I join my family?”

“Sure,” Rick’s mom said, “come on, let me fix you a plate.” She hurried back to the kitchen to fix a plate for him. Rick, still at the table, gathered his plate, silverware and drink and snuck to his room, whispering to Kirstin “You know where I’ll be.” She sighed lightly and went to join the
family sitting at the table. Rick sat his plate and drink on a nearby table and slumped in his love seat, left hand side. He picked up his guitar and started playing.

“Where’s my son,” asked Rick’s father.

“In his room,” replied Kirstin.

Rick’s mom and dad got up and walked towards the doorway. He stopped before opening the door, and listened to Rick playing his guitar. “I recognize that sound anywhere! That’s my old Gremlin!”

“Yea, it is. You left it here, so I let him have it.” She paused and looked at his expression. He was smiling in delight that he could play so well.

“No, I don’t mind. Let me go talk to him,” he said hinting for her to leave them alone. She walked back to the table and sat down to eat. Rick’s dad knocked on the door. He stopped playing and said, “come in.”

His dad opened the door to find Rick on the love seat, guitar still in hand. “You’re getting pretty good with my old guitar,” he said. Rick had a puzzled look on his face. His dad walked over to the love seat and sat down beside him, on the right hand side. That special side that was saved for that special someone Rick would meet one day.

“So, how’s life been going,” Rick’s dad asked softly.

The Spirit Within

Margret Thomson lived in a small house built by her parents near the
town of Petersville. It was April 30, in the country, far away from any town,
at a time when telephones hadn’t even been thought of yet. She went out with
a friend of hers, Lilly Thatcher, to explore the woods behind their newly
built cow pasture. Come dark time, the two had not returned and the families
were getting worried.

Gossip travels quick in the country, for there are few people to tell
about such matters. Soon, the whole area knew and the men gathered up their
horses and dogs and told the wives to stay behind while they searched for the
two girls. They galloped out in the direction where the old pig slaughter
house used to be, thinking they found it as shelter and decided to stay there
for a while.

Upon arriving, they found no traces of the girls. So, they searched
for hours until the dogs picked up a scent and started following it. The men
were so excited! They raced their horses through the woods trying their best
not to run into a branch, or worse a tree, and hoping the dogs hadn’t picked
up some wild beast by mistake.

It turned out the dogs were right; they had found the girls, lying on
the ground, their stomachs chewed away leaving a hollow abdomen already
filled with flies and insects. The stench of rotting flesh filled the air
along with the smell of wet dogs from the dew on the ground. It was dark,
and the light from the lanterns the men carried provided little help in
discerning the matter.

There was nothing that could be done, and the smell and sight of them
would make everyone sick if they brought them back into town. One of the
members of the search party was a priest, so he properly did the “burial”
and they left the bodies there. They would prove to be a delicasy for animals
far and wide.

They told the families of what they saw who quietly took the news and
went to bed, sobbing in each others arms over the loss of their precious
daughters. Still, no one knows exactly what happened, and no one really
wants to know.

* * *

Will sat alone in his bedroom on the floor after everyone had gone
to bed. He decided to meditate, something one of his friends had joked about
one time. He joked about traveling to new places, seeing things no one has
ever seen before. Will decided to see for himself. Not really sure about
how to go about this, he sat there for 2 hours, in the dark, almost nude.
After quite a while his mind became so weary, he drifted off to sleep.

In his dream, he could hear a voice, telling him that she is there
for him, and to never give up. The dream seemed so real, but he really
thought nothing of it. That was until the day when he was daydreaming,
and he heard a voice in his head. He thought he was crazy at first, but Will
decided to answer back. A conversation began in his head that lasted for
hours, and when he went to bed that night, he could not stop. After
lots of questions, he finally found out several things about this “voice”.

Her name was Linda, she was 27 years old, and she was there to
protect Will. Most of the questions he asked were about his future, which
turned out to be true, so Will put a lot of trust and respect in Linda.
Using other medians like crystals, and gemstones, Will found out a lot
about the after life from her. When she died, she was given a choice.
She could either travel to another place, or stay on earth, but
she must choose someone to protect, be a guide to. She choose Will, he
would become someone special one day, she told him.

Years went by, Will had grown enough where he had gotten married,
acquired a great job, and even kids. His daughter, Emily was as cute as
anything in the world. Her long, silky black hair, and sweet smile showed
enough innocence that she could get away with anything. During all this time,
Will had been in constant contact with Linda, talking to her when he was alone,
and especially at night when he needed help in various matters. Will had
asked many times for Linda to show herself, but he was almost too scared to
allow her to do so for he didn’t think his mind could handle it.

After thinking about it for a long time, Will finally got the courage
to ask Linda to show herself, to take on a physical form. She warned him
many times about how frightened he may become, but he insisted that after
all these years, he must see her, touch her. She agreed, and they set a
date, Halloween. Halloween was the closest date where spirits could
travel freely to the other dimensions. Sometime during October 31, Linda
would show herself to Will in her physical form, be that her true form
or a fake one, Will would at least know that he hasn’t been crazy all these

Carla, Wills wife, took Emily to a neighbors house and dropped her off
so she could go trick-or-treating with some of her friends. Will was left
at home alone. The perfect time for him to contact Linda again. He tried
and tried to talk to her, but she would never respond. All his efforts
had failed. After hours, he finally gave up. He went downstairs to the
kitchen to get something to eat and realized something. Carla hadn’t gotten
back yet. It was 10 o’clock and both Carla and Emily should have returned.
Maybe something happened, they attended a party or some sort. He didn’t worry.

It was 11 o’clock and Will started to get upset that his wife
and daughter had not returned. It had not been 24 hours yet, so the police
would not help. He decided to go looking with some friends. He called
them and those that were sober enough to come along did. They all met at Wills
house, jumped in his Explorer and took off around the neighborhood to find
Carla and Emily.

Upon reaching the beginning of a street, they parked the vehicle and
everyone got out to search homes. They split up, half the group taking
one side of the street, the other half the opposite. Will, being in such a
hurry to find his family, walked faster than the others, and soon left them
behind. He hadn’t even noticed that the rest of his friends were a ways back
in the darkness.

Walking towards the final house, the light from a distant street
lamp struck some object a few dozen feet away from the road. Curious,
he wandered towards it, carefull not to alert whatever animal it could have
been, for it could have attacked. Bending down to get it, it was a small
chain, one that looked exactly like the one he gave to Carla for their wedding

All his hopes just heightened at the possiblilty that they might be
near. Listening carefully, he heard his name called from the treeline.
He ran towards the woods, stopping just before hitting a tree dead on, and
couldn’t see anyone. His name was called again, deeper in the woods, so
he walked in a few more feet. He heard Carlas voice, “Hey, sweetheart.”
He could barely see two figures lying on the ground for the light shining
in his eyes. He stepped forward so a nearby tree would put him in the shadow
of the street light. He could now see Carla and Emily lying on the gound.
Behind them, another … being… completely nude, deep, blood red skin.
It’s brown hair hung below it’s back and it had large, green eyes. Its body
was gleaming in the light, it’s empty, shrunk veins could be seen easily
through the skin. With blood dripping from all over it’s face and flesh
dangling from it’s mouth, it uttered the words, “Nice to finally meet you,

He could do nothing but stare at this sight, until he finally realized
that this being was the least of his problems. He kneeled down towards Carla
and held her hand.

“I’m so sorry that I couldn’t find you sooner, but I’m here now.”
He turned to Emily, “Hey, girl! Get up, let’s go home now.”

They did not move, and Will felt Carlas hand limp. He looked closer,
moving his head in awkward positions to avoid the light, and noticed they
were not breathing. He put his arms around them in a warm-felt hug, tears
beginning to run down his face and told them that he was sorry. Under his arm,
he could feel a coldness, a liquid feeling. He lifted their shirts, and they
both had their stomachs eaten away, clean to the spinal cord. The leaves and
dirt below their bodies could be seen through the hole.

He looked at the being in a stare like a cat eyes it’s prey
and it spoke: “Don’t you recognize me? I’m Linda, I told you we’d meet

“Why did you do this,” questioned Will.

“It was my duty, this is what I do.”

Will looked down in sorrow, shooing the flies that seem to be
getting greater in number. He looked up again at Linda. Now, she was
in a more human form, with brown hair flowing down her back, beautiful
flower dress on, and an inviting smile on her face.

“We had some great times together, Will. I loved our talks at night,
I loved the way you put your trust in me. It was amusing. After all those
years, you still believed in me. I was always with you, as I have been
with many other people. But, when you met Carla, and had Emily, you
made me jealous. Now, you are mine.”

Will looked at her in awe, not knowing what to say, for he was too
busy thinking back, remembering how much he had trusted her, how much he
wanted to meet her, and most of all, how she warned him against it.

She paused, looked at him with a sorrow filled look in her eye, and
said, “Now you see me…” In an instant, she was gone, no trace she had ever
been there, except for the two bodies lying on the ground. In Will’s mind he
heard, “now you don’t.” There was a short pause. “Now, say goodbye.”

Will thought for a minute, and said his farewells to Carla and Emily.
He stood up, looked around, and said, “Goodbye.”

He then disappeared, along with the bodies of Carla and Emily, leaving
nothing behind.


Why Are You Here?

I had secluded myself into my own little world. I had indulged myself in my
own thoughts. I had blocked out everything else. I was in the state where
nothing mattered to me, and I mattered everything to nothing else. In this
own little state of mind, my own little world, I was happy.

Others looked down upon me. They said that I had forgotten about them, and
about life. They said that I didn’t talk, or show emotions. I do talk.You
just can’t hear it. Only me and myself can hear my words of wisdom echo
throughout my vast mind. Can’t hear them? Good, you aren’t supposed to. I
wasn’t talking to you anyway.

Others started avoiding me. I made them unhappy; I depressed them they said.
Why? What’s their problem? Can’t I relate to others the way I please? Do
unto others unless they do unto you first, for then it’s revenge.

I thought that everyone had stopped thinking about me. That was when I saw you
here. Why are you here? This place isn’t for you. You still have contact
with others. You should be with them. I am here because I choose to be here,
but you are not. Something forced you here.

No matter, either way you should leave. You should leave soon before you are
stuck here. Once you stay here too long, you can’t return. Even though I
have spent years here, I can return if I choose, but I do not. This place is
better for me than anywhere else. I like it here.

Why do you like it here? This is a no-man’s land of thought. There is
nothing here but yourself to talk to, to think about, or to interact with. You
will miss that other place, the place you belong. You will want to return,
but you will be so lost here that you cannot.

I can see you now; I can see you there. It’s getting late, too late. All of
your friends have left as you have left them. I can see you alone. It’s
getting dark, too dark. All of your energy has been drained. I can see you
silent. It’s getting lonely, too lonely. All of your thoughts are one now.
I can see you crying. It’s getting cold, too cold. All of your compassion is

Now, as the people dressed in white come to take you away, I can see your
friends and family wondering what went wrong. And, as the men dressed in white
lock you up and listen to your childhood stories, you fight with the men
dressed in black, the ones trying to lock the door behind you here.

I don’t like this; I don’t like watching you deteriorate. You are becoming
too much like myself. I am not like this, am I? It’s been so long since I saw
myself there. When I look there, I can’t find myself. I’m still there, aren’t
I? I look at you here, and I look at you there. I’m not like you, am I? I
thought I still had some hope of leaving this place.

Seeing you like this, I question my being here, just as much as I question
your being here. I think I must leave this place; I must leave soon before
I am stuck here. I like it here no longer.

Now, I am on the other side. I am here and you are there. I am happy here.
My friends and family are coming back to me. My thoughts and memories have

Why are you there? You seclude yourself into you own little world. You
indulge yourself in your own thoughts. You block out everything else. You
are in the state where nothing matters to you, and you matter everything to
nothing else. In this own little state of mind, your own little world, you
are happy.